Can You Kick Me in The Balls Again... Awesome Thanks

Hello, My name is J Chris Newberg and I am a comedy person. I write funny songs for movies, as well as jokes for myself and others. I have been performing on stage in one way or another since 1988. I have toured the country as a warm up act for huge rock stars like Oasis and John Mellencamp. I have two successful albums on I tunes with live sales collectively totaling 20,000 or so. I have done local TV, Basic Cable and National spots and my jokes have appeared on Conan and the Tonight Show. I am usually booked and busy and I have a web fan base of around 15,000 (twitter/myspace/facebook). I have of 11 million views on my web videos (funnyordie/youtube/ebaumsworld/myspace). My live shows very between colleges and comedy clubs and it's rare that I don't sell out of merch after a show. I have performed in every state but Alaska and have been all over the world performing my comedy. I am very lucky, but I work my ass off and I am not complaining. I just have to share how this business is pretty fucked up.

In the past week, I was turned down again for my half hour. I won't say the network, but I was told "Your material is not developed. We need more from your material. Is the guitar really necessary?"

Turned down for several other TV appearances.

CL: "You are not funny enough. We specialize in comics that are quick witted. You are not that."

JLS: "We are all set with music. We have the Dan Band. We won't be needing you."

DL: "You are not smart enough for our show."

LNWCF: "Not funny at all. I don't see it."

LCWCD "Too edgy."


I think it's funny. I have also been told to change and do things this way or that way and I can't find a manager to rep me in LA. They all say, " they don't see it."

So, you know what I am going to do? The exact same thing. I'm funny. I make people laugh and I am going to keep kicking ass alone. You don't want to help me? Fine. Fuck you. It may take me longer to get there, but rest assured my little agent/manager peoples, I will get there -

Oh and by the way, when you kicked me in the nuts, I was wearing a cup - Boom


I am I am I am J Chris Newberg