Worst Date Ever Thank You Card -

thank you
for showing up late
telling me that your stalker may have followed you to my house
not telling me that vodka made you violent
drinking vodka
offering to pay for dinner
then yelling at me because i let you
trying to hold my penis when i was in the bathroom to pee
getting upset when i told you that was a weird first date move in public
jumping out of the car at the stop sign
punching me in the ear when i asked you to please get back in
throwing up in my flowers
trying to steal my dog
and texting me this exact text:
"you are a dick. i can't stand you. i do love your eyes
i will give you another chance."
thank you
and
no
f'ing
way
ever

i am i am i am j chris newberg