Drunk Mariah Carey
>> Wednesday, January 6, 2010
I say, nice work! It's an awards show. Have fun
How to Make ALL women Love you Immediately
Listen, I only know two things in life; 1 Comedy, 2 Women, and Math. Here is a sure fire list of ways to get any girl to go out with you immediately. Women love a project. So, throw all of that romance out the window and just be a tool. It works, I've seen it. So have you.
1 When you meet her/ introduce yourself, repeatedly interrupt her with compliments every time she tries to speak. It's not rude, because you are telling her nice stuff. It's also okay to scream them. example:
You: Hi, I'm (insert your name)
Her: Nice to meet you -
You: YOU HAVE KIND EYES!
her: Whoa.. That was kind of Ru-
You: Shhh! Don't talk! I'm trying to tell you how smart you are
2 Only tell her you love her when she is talking to another guy in public. Keep telling her until she or the other man becomes so uncomfortable that their conversation ends. For added affect, play with her hair.
3 If she asks you a question. Any question at all, just respond to her in baby talk and pet her.
4 Upon meeting her best friend, confront and inform her that now she is the new enemy and use cryptic phrases like, "Oh, I'm watching you," or "Don't think I don't know what you are up to."
5 For added affect, actually follow her best friend to her car and re-tell her
6 When she is on the phone with her parents, keep calling her on her other line to ask her if she loves you more than her family yet
7 Make her pay for all meals and if she complains, please refer to 1 again and if that does not work, talk about how she knows that you have a show and not to upset you.
These are just a few ways to guaranty that she will love you and never leave you, or that maybe she will stab you in your sleep. Either way, she will be with you til the end-
You are welcome
I am I am J Chris Newberg
yesterday girl
>> Monday, January 4, 2010
good morning
it's the new year he thought
seems different
but same-ish
like sunsets that you asked for
or
alarm clock sandwiches
it's gong to be better
it might not-
it will
well, that's true
most things are true
especially in the wake of ones own
dream world sleigh ride
"will you think of me?" she asked
"why?" he thought
"sorry." he didn't answer
he didn't say anything. he didn't have to
just got up
showered
and left her
left all that she stood for
and all that she
was
he wouldn't think of her again
after all
now
she was just a yesterday girl
My New Years Resolutions (in order)
>> Friday, January 1, 2010
1 No animal sacrifice on Weekdays
2 If a cult asks me to join, say yes
3 When nervous in church, speak in tongues
4 Eat only vegetarians
5 When meeting a lady for the first time, and she say's "Nice to meet you," shout "What?! we've already boned!"
6 When others talk about working out begin to eat in front of them
That's all
oh wait, I want to be able leap tall buildings in as many bounds as i want
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
